Dear City Mouse,
I am writing you with the great news that I really got two tickets to go visit you!!!!
I'm out of my mind with excitement.
I finally get to see your new home, your food truck, and the bustling city of Portland.
For so long now, I have imagined what it is like. I have so many clear pictures in my mind, like those you paint when reading a novel. I'm so curious to see what it's really like, so eagerly anticipating
I have new classe to teach coming up, and I've been playing with new mediums.
As you know I avoid all two dimensional art, and I have a fear of the flat, blank, white page.
I was away with Paul alone at his cabin for a couple days. We had a great time, and really needed to connect. I brought a big bag of supplies to create some art, since I have a drawing and painting class coming up. I needed a fresh outlook, so my students wouldn't sense my fear and doubt. I was just playing on drawing paper, and I'm very pleased with my result.
I was thinking also, about a friends post about growing old and remembered a conversation we recently had.
Think back to when you were 14, 16, 18, when your body was in its prime.
I always felt like my belly had too much pooch, even when I was matching and breaking the females weight lifting records.
I could run hard, jump far and practically fly. I was invincible.
Did I feel beautiful? Not really.
I was confident, and knew I had beautiful qualities, but always matched them with my imperfections.
Sometime after having kids, and feeling pretty old I found a photo of myself in a bikini.
I really was baffled by it.
How could I have looked that way and felt so self conscious?
At the time I found that photo, I would have gladly rocked that body. I thought,
"I must have been crazy to have not appreciated this."
The other thought that occurred to me was that in 20 years I would be finding a photo of myself in that same stage, and be thinking the same thing.
That thought really resonated with me. I made a sort of pact with myself to just let go, and appreciate what I had because in reality, it was only downhill from there.
Since then I have discovered the beauty which comes with age. Wisdom, confidence, intelligence, patience, self love, and all the beauty that comes with it is such a gift.
I can honestly say, that I feel far more satisfaction in making something beautiful, than worrying about weather I am.